F.E.A.R.

“So, tell me, seriously, how do people do it?” My friend asked as we were reconnecting over dinner.

“Do what?” I asked.

“You know, consistently live their best life? I’m thinking about taking a major step and need some guidance.”

Before I could respond, she was summoned away by a work- related phone call. Nevertheless, her question caused me to wonder, “What is one of the most powerful things that keep people from conquering difficult trials or achieving game changing success?”

The answer is FEAR!

photo: Sammie Chassin/unsplash

Through extensive research and many years of coaching people, I’ve learned that fear keeps a person in bondage- possibly more than anything else. Now, I know that human beings are born with the survival instinct of fear, and this type of fear is necessary to protect us from danger. However, the fear that I am calling out, is the kind that mentally oppresses us.

It’s a conscious fear that we routinely think about. It attempts to threaten our peace, trust, and faith. It’s the kind that disrupts relationships and impacts opportunities. It’s manipulative and unbalanced. It’s known to entrap a person’s mind and grip the soul, often resulting in shallow breaths, rapid heartbeats, shaky hands, tightened muscles, panicky thoughts, and less than desirable decision-making. It doesn’t discriminate. Nearly everyone faces this type of fear.

I have often heard fear described as False Evidence Appearing Real. However, I have grown to appreciate National Best-Selling Author Jack Canfield’s description as Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real. In other words, the root cause of much of our fear may be our own mind conjuring up stories about things that may never happen. Where does this destructive fear come from and is it possible to minimize it? Science says yes!

So do my studies and my coaching experiences. My faith has also taught me that this fear mainly starts with our perception of either past experiences or unknown future events. I have seen far too many people miss their chance to accomplish what they are meant to because of fear. Yes, major trauma and very real experiences may have shaped our thoughts. Life is real and unpredictable. We have opportunity to recognize our past fearful experiences (and then leave them there), acknowledge our fear of the future (then let it go), and with good support and a plan, still press forward regardless.

To better grasp the concept of fear let’s explore science, specifically neuroscience, which focuses on studying the brain and the nervous system. It also partners with other disciplines like psychology to study the brain's connection to fear. Dr. Earl Miller, a Neuroscience Professor at MIT, teaches that humans focus best on one thing at a time. If our peace feels threatened and making sound decisions become more challenging, then perhaps fear is sneaking its way in.

If we subscribe to this idea, then for us to feel the fear, we have to be thinking about it on some conscious level, according to Revenue Leader, Mareo McCracken. Again, what story are we are telling ourselves? The idea is this—we must move into action so fear can move out of the way. Acting encourages us to think differently; thereby, shifting the fear elsewhere. Confidence is built by doing. As confidence increases, fear decreases.

photo: Nick Fewings/ unsplash

There is great power in taking charge of fear. How about, instead of seeing fear as a force to be reckoned with, we see ourselves as a far superior force instead? How about, instead of it telling us what to do, we tell it where to go? It's true, the unknown can feel big, but letting

fear rule jeopardizes your ability to overcome.

Recently I discovered this cool app on my cell phone, that tells me how much “screen time” I have used. Wouldn’t it be great if there was an app that told us how much “fear time” we spent in our minds as well? In the meantime, in order to reset, consider these starting points for overcoming fear:

(1) Connect with a coach, therapist, pastor, or other supportive person to help work out the source of your fear, set boundaries with fear, and/or put a plan in place for managing fear. Also surround yourself with people who are supportive and caring and will celebrate your successes with you!

(2) Write out prayers, declarations, or affirmations and say them out loud regularly. Feedback I've gathered tells me it is helpful in controlling thoughts and it gives mental energy. Creating a vision board is also powerful because it is forward focused and helps you visualize your potential.

(3) Read about others who have overcome fear and learn how they moved into action.

(4) Finally, remind yourself of the times when you beat fear, so you can stay consistent and be encouraged!

© 2019 Desiree Williams, All Rights Reserved